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Fashion March, 15 2013

The Weekly Outfit: A Chumpion’s Outfit

We were quite surprised when the aging transvestite sitting next to Kim Jong Un, Supreme Leader of North Korea, was revealed as part-time wrestler, three-time Razzie Award Winning Actor, infamous cross dresser, and NBA bad-boy Dennis Rodman. “The Worm”, together with the Harlem Globetrotters, went to visit the Marxist model regime to become not only the first American to have met and befriend the Supreme Leader but to provide Vice’s soon-to-air TV show with its first genuine WTF moment and me with a nice trip down memory lane. My personal mid-nineties memories include a Chicago Bulls Rodman jersey, a pair of Nike Air Uptempo – the ones with an enlarged AIR emblazoned on the shoe’s sidepanels – shooting hoops on the school yard, and of course White Men Can’t Jump.

The 1992 film stars Woody Harrelson as Billy Hoyle, a former college player, who – thanks to the racial sterotype indicated in the film’s title – makes a living by hustling streetballers on Venice Beach’s courts. After running into equally talented yet loudmouthed Sidney Deane (Wesley Snipes), they both team up and hit it off instantly, winning every two-on-two match in the city. An amazing choreography of great basketball moves, a decent amount of trash talk, and a great throwback wardrobe make this buddy film a must-see for both hoopsters and the sartorially inclined.

 

Colnago Cycling Cap

Sidney Deane aka Wesley Snipes is a creative motherfucker. He took that hipster-shit to a whole other level before it was even invented, which makes him kind of the original hipster. Fact is, parading your try-too-hard ass up and down a Williamsburg street flashing velo-gang colors is not even close to a dope move as dishing out a skillfull ass-whooping on a Venice Beach streetball court while wearing that goofy looking stubby brim cap. There is no doubt about that. Get that Colnago cap over here.

 

 Raf Simons – Short Mixed Chain Necklace

Jewelry is THE major pitfall of men’s fashion. Especially when it comes to good old fashioned gold jewelry, which nowadays you can’t flash without coming across as some serious douche. It’s absolutely off-limits, unless your name is Big Daddy Kane, or – one of the many loopholes of fashion – you wear it in a merely “ironic” way. Irony is the magic prefix to turn every major no-no instantly PC. Sexism, racism, rap music, you name it. Season it with some good old fashioned irony and every (white) middle class average-ass can enjoy it free of any guilt.

It’s best go for that avant-garde stuff. The upside is you can be all serious about it, without compromising your social background. On the downside it looks like chunks of concrete and scrap metal glued together – which is probably not far from truth. If you are still uncertain about the right choice of jewelry try that necklace above by Raf Simons. It blends 5 types of chains and 2 out 3 Rastafari colours in just one piece of jewelry. There is no better choice for undecisive fashion-self-conscious members of the middle-class. Get it at Oki-Ni.

 

 Reigning Champ – Heather Ash Crew Neck Sweater

Sidney: Hey hey man, what’s the score? Yo! Chump! I’m talking to you! I’m talking to the fucking air.
Billy: My name ain’t chump, it’s Billy Hoyle.
Sidney: Billy Hoyle. BILLY HOYLE. Billy Hoyle. Okay Billy… can you count to ten, Billy?
Billy: Yeah.
Sidney: Good. What’s the score… Billy?
Billy: I don’t know.
Sidney: Then you’re a chump!
Billy: I may be a chump, I just said that wasn’t my name.

Get that Reigning Champ sweater over at their official web store.

 

 Gold’s Gym – Muscle Joe Premium Stringer

Unless you have a steroid-steeled Conan-esque physique to fill out that tank top properly, it will probably just awkwardly flop off your pigeon breast with the straps brushing over your nipples with every move, making them all sensitive and sore, as if some deluded baby spent half an hour desperately trying to extract some milk from your hairy man nips. No seriously, most of the time you will self-consciously readjust the straps because they tend to permanently get out of place, flashing your erect nipples to strangers. You can pick one of these up at Gold’s Gym’s web store.

 

Christopher Kane – Ingredients Swim Shorts

Except for the music, I hate everything about throwback motto parties. Mostly due to people who ruin the whole thing by going for that super authentic 80s look, dressed in hot-pink legwarmers and fluo wayfarers, thinking they look like rad dudes from 1983, when in fact they look like 1991-born 2010 morons who did not even made the slightest effort to watch…I don’t know….The Breakfast Club.

These are also the same guys yapping on and on about how the 80s will soon be succeeded by the 90s. And the 90s will eventually succed the 80s. Seriously? Look at the calendar on your freaking iPhone. The 90 succeeded the 80s 23 years ago. It’s 2013! Don’t make me slap you back to the future. The above Christopher Kane shorts, despite the random fact that they wore colorful shorts in the nineties too, are an accurate manifestation of current zeitgeist and fashion tastes – a wonderful specimen of typical 21st century fashion. You can cop them over at Oki-Ni.

 

Nike Air Command Force

Introduced in 1992, the Nike Air Command Force was NBA Pro David Robinson’s signature shoe and Billy Hoyle’s weapon of choice in the movie. With its distinct speckled neon yellow heel area, air cushioned midsole and air pressure chamber with pump-system for additional ankle support, the Air Command Force was without doubt state-of-the-art back then and is still considered one of the best basketball sneakers ever made.

Unfortunately and despite the ongoing retro craze which spawns new super limited edition Air Max 1 renditions almost every week, the Air Command Force is kept in the vaults with no reasonable chance of seeing a reissue in the near future. If you want to get your greedy hands on these fine pair of sneakers anyway, I recommend browsing the bay for a some deadstock pairs usually starting around a reasonable $1000.

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