“You’d be surprised at how many interesting, weird and downright creepy emails we receive on a weekly basis. Rather than deleting them, we thought we as an editorial staff would take a crack at answering some of the questions that pique our interest and post them every Friday. From sartorial questions to matters of the human body, nothing is too weird…unless it is and now we’re alerting the proper authorities. To the questions!”
Reader Lisa L. asks: There was a recent article in New York Magazine offering up this tasty little assertion: Men are quitting masturbation because they believe they can achieve greater things when they don’t “deplete” their testosterone. What do you think?
What Lisa is referring to is what we call “Fapstinence.” To illustrate just how popular this new “hands off” approach is, the sub-forum on Reddit receives 400,000 unique visitors a m0nth where members receive various medals and badges for milestones achieved. Take 19-year-old Redditor Ojdidit123 for example. “After 70 days without masturbating,” he wrote, he went from being a virgin to meeting a woman on his flight, getting a “raging boner,” and having sex with her in both the plane and an airport hotel. The confidence he got from that encounter, he said, not only helped him perform well at a job interview later, and secure a job at a hedge fund for the summer, but also enabled him to call a long-simmering crush and ask her out.
For me, this “revolution” is something distinctly attributed to the popularity of the internet. Could you imagine a “jerk off” protest where all these people actually gathered with signs like “Don’t Be a Jerk Off” and “Put Your Hands Up If You Keep Your Hands Off!” in front of city hall? Masturbation should be like religion…don’t tell another person how they should or shouldn’t practice it.
Reader Ben R asks: Have you heard about the latest trend that involves driving without a steering wheel?
Just when the remnants of “ghost-riding the whip” were finally being scrubbed from my memory, we get driving without a steering wheel shenanigans. Attributed to modified cars looking to mimic the style of race cars in which drivers need a removable wheel in order to get in and out, the trend recently popped up on a driving forum this week. First “Fapstinence” and now no steering wheels…consider this a terrible week for hands everywhere.
Reader IWantThatPurpleStuff asks: The Kool-Aid Man got a makeover. What do you think?
Water. Sugar. Smashing through walls and screaming “oh yeah!” I’d say the Kool-Aid man was due for a slight makeover after 59 years of the same thing. According to the official press release “the new lifelike Kool-Aid Man is technologically advanced, CGI-generated and more interactive and colorful than ever. In addition to his iconic tagline ‘Oh Yeah!’ he will now have his own characteristic sound, expanded vocabulary and developed personality.” What do I think of this change? OH YEAAAAHHHHH!
Reader Dennis D asks: Should the Los Angeles Lakers actually amnesty Kobe Bryant next season?
Don’t you just love when an athlete comes to that point in their career where their team has to decide if they going to do the “honorable” thing and allow the player to go out on their own terms, or do the business savvy initiative and cut all ties in order to benefit the bottom line? First, let’s catch everyone up with exactly what the amnesty clause is. The amnesty clause, created in the NBA’s 2011 Collective Bargaining Agreement, allows a team to waive a player and thus wipe their salary off the salary and luxury tax totals. For a player to be eligible for the Amnesty provision he must be on his team’s roster continuously from July 1, 2011 to the date he is amnestied, without any new contract, extension, renegotiation or other amendment to his contract in the meantime. Essentially, the Lakers could amnesty Kobe – thus wiping his last year and the remaining impact his $30 million dollar salary would have on the salary cap. Now here’s why it would work for both parties. Given Bryant’s recent injury, the thought is that he will miss anywhere between 6-12 months worth of time. Thus, the Lakers could then re-sign Bryant if he sat out all of next year while rehabbing because amnesty provisions dictate that the player finish out their contract (and Kobe has one year remaining).
You’d like to think that Kobe Bryant would understand the Lakers need to consider such an endeavor – especially if they want to pony up enough money to keep Dwight Howard in the fold and make another serious run at a title. That same title of course would put Kobe Bean on equal footing with none other than Michael Jordan. But come on, we know Kobe is too vicious a competitor not to feel the slap of rejection from the Lakers if he was indeed cut.
“Big Four” in Miami?