Out in the real world news is happening and here are the highlights.

Stephen Colbert helps President Obama find a new job

A certain Barack Obama was last night’s celebrity guest on The Late Show, and Stephen Colbert used the opportunity to help him get back into meaningful employment, which can be quite difficult if you’ve had no promotions in the past eight years. What sort of message does that send out to an employer? In reply Obama cleverly quipped that there wasn’t a lot of room for career progression and that only his wife was his superior. There was also an opportunity to compare Donald Trump to a “shriveled tangerine, covered in golden-retriever hair, filled with bile, that [you] wouldn’t leave alone with the woman [you] love.” – The Daily Beast

Trump claims the dead will rise to vote in election

Only three more weeks and we won’t have to recount all of Trump’s insane and outrageous statements, but let’s point and laugh while we can, shall we? In his latest bout of verbal diarrhea, The Donald has said that the dead will rise to vote for Hillary Clinton this election day. While you’ll be forgiven for thinking that he’s talking about zombies, what he’s actually on about is unsubstantiated claims of voter fraud, that people will cast a ballot in the name of dead relatives and that illegal immigrants will be given a say too – all to deflect from his impending failure. Whatever you need to tell yourself, Donald. – The Guardian

Sony might own Playstation 3 owners money

Are you the proud owner of a Playstation 3? If you are, here’s some news for you: Sony might owe you some money, a full $55, in fact. If you purchased the standard issue PS3 from a licensed retailer between November 1, 2006 and April 1, 2010, you’re part of a class action lawsuit settlement regarding Sony disabling the “Other OS” feature, which gave users the ability to install Linux on their PS3. If you can prove you used the Other OS feature, you could be up for anywhere between $9 and $55 in compensation. One thing, though: does anyone actually use Linux? – Wreg

Goldberg makes his WWE return after 12 years

After a 12-year hiatus, pro wrestler, Goldberg, who you might remember as that Stone Cold Steve Austin-on-roids lookalike (yes, I know that Steve Austin is likely already on ‘roids, but Goldberg looks like his ‘roids take ‘roids) from your childhood, made his comeback to the wrestling ring on WWE. This was all part of a standard-issue wrestling pantomime, where Goldberg accepted Brock Lesnar’s challenge for a rematch of their Wrestlemania XX bout. WWE scriptwriters will now be deliberating on who will win that bout, because wrestling is a total charade. – Sports Illustrated

Liverpool and Manchester United play out bore draw

In the closing match of the eighth round of Premier League fixtures, Liverpool and Manchester United faced off at Anfield, playing out one of the most boring games in recent memory. Finishing 0-0, Mourinho accused Jurgen Klopp’s team of being cautious and boring, which is a bit rich seeing as he’s the master of boring his opponents into submission. As it stands both teams stay as they were, with Liverpool in fourth and Man United in seventh. – SkySports News

Catch up on yesterday’s IRL headlines.

Words by Aleks Eror
What To Read Next