Out in the real world news is happening and here are the highlights.

Londoners are Europe’s biggest weekday coke heads

Residents of the British capital take more cocaine on weekdays than those of any other city in Europe, but it’s the Belgium city of Antwerp that tops the list at the weekend. Scientists came to this findings by analyzing the drug concentration of city sewerage in 50 cities across 18 countries in Europe. Somehow it’s not surprising that a city as expensive as London with such a concentration of the world’s super-rich is also its cocaine capital. Antwerp, with its diamond industry, also makes sense. – The Guardian

Monogamy killed the human penis bone

The human penis, often mistaken for a muscle, is actually much closer to an expandable love sponge than anything else. This is in stark contrast to many mammals, namely cats, which have a bone inside their penis. The boneless penises of humanity have long baffled scientists, who now have an explanation why they’re so bone-free: monogamy. Apparently, there’s a direct correlation between a species’ promiscuity and the length (and probably girth) of their penis bone. Monogamy really does ruin everything. – Gizmodo

VICE sues the FBI

Hipster media conglomerate, VICE, is suing the FBI, demanding that the Bureau release records relating to its investigation of Hillary Clinton’s e-mails a mere 11 days before the election. Their decision to re-open the case so close to election day was largely seen as interference by the FBI’s republican director, James Comey, and although no new revelations were discovered, many believe that it only further hampered the Clinton campaign, which ended up losing in three key swing states by less than a single percentage point. VICE also wants to see all communications between the FBI and Trump’s chief strategist, Steve Bannon, who used to be the head of controversial conservative news publication, Breitbart. – VICE News

John Kasich vetoes abortion bill

Ohio governor, John Kasich, has vetoed an abortion bill that would outlaw abortions when the fetus develops a heartbeat – roughly at around six weeks, which is several weeks before the vast majority of women even know that they’re pregnant. This is typical of anti-choice extremists who try to outlaw abortions through dirty tricks. Although Kasich did sign a limit at 20 weeks, this is commendable for someone who regards themselves as against abortion. – Public Radio Tulsa

Alan Thicke, ’80s sitcom actor, dies

Canadian ’80s sitcom actor, Alan Thicke, best known for his role as Dr. Jason Seaver on ABC TV show, Growing Pains, has died at the age of 69. A long line of celebrities queued up to pay Twitter tributes to him, with the likes of Ellen Degeneres and Olivia Munn amongst the first to get in there. Degeneres declared that “America loved Alan Thicke,” and it’s a pretty safe bet that Canada did too. – TIME

Nokia returns with dumb phone

10 years ago Nokias were as ubiquitous as the iPhone and the prospect that the manufacturer would ever lose its place as top dog was simply unimaginable, but just as the Roman empire crumbled, so too did this Finnish tech titan. Well, Nokia is back! Well, not really, it’s actually a company called HMD Global who now own the rights to the Nokia name. HMD goes back to basics with the release of a dumb phone called the Nokia 150 that’s almost exactly like Microsoft’s Nokia 216, which released in September. With people suffering tech burnout, maybe dumb phones are due a comeback. – Engadget

Portland Trailblazers batter Oklahoma City Thunder

The Portland Trailblazers ended a four-game losing streak with a resounding 114-95 win against the Oklahoma City Thunder. Damian Lillard helped himself to 17 points and nine assists while snazzy dresser Russell Westbrook scored 20, but that still wasn’t enough for his team to avoid defeat. The win takes the Trailblazers to eighth in the Western Conference while the Thunder hover two places above them. – LA Times

Catch up on yesterday’s IRL headlines.

  • Lead Image: Scarface
Words by Aleks Eror
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