Kid Cudi has opened up about his struggles with mental health on the Facebook Watch talk show Red Table Talk, hosted by Jada Pinkett Smith, Willow Smith, and Jada’s mother Adrienne Banfield-Norris.

In the 24-minute conversation, Cudi explained that the pressure of being admired and seen as a hero exacerbated his depression. Talking about his problems, Cudi said, “I have to live up to be this person, and I don't feel like that. It's like doing a comedy but you're miserable. It's like my life was like this show and I was always supposed to be on, but when the show was over I was completely miserable.”

Talking about how he kept battling on, he added, “I'm just trying to keep it together, because, Kid Cudi, everybody's hero, this person that you look up to. I didn't want to let anybody down.”

Cudi also said he used drugs to deal with his problems, but kept his use a secret. “I went out of my way to keep what I was going through hidden, because I was ashamed,” he said. The rapper added that he has been off drugs for two years now and feels much closer to his family and friends as a consequence.

Pinkett Smith also spoke about her own struggles with depression, drug abuse, and suicidal thoughts. Watch the full conversation in the video above.

In other news, Netflix’s first original K-drama is a full-blooded zombie thriller.