I’m going to open this bad boy up with a big ol’ disclaimer: this is not a field guide to teach you how to pick up a recreational drug habit by buying narcotics off the internet. I’m making the information available for public consumption because it’s interesting to read about, not interesting to actually do.
Now that we got that out of the way, let’s talk about drugs. They can be fun (but also dangerous) to do, and those of us who’ve ever had to make friends with a stripper and then go to weird parties with her in order to meet a Turkish guy who has molly, or graduated college and moved away to a new city and the only way you find a “coke guy” in your new neighborhood was when he casually approached you in the bar you were playing pool at and said he was holding, but he also kind of looked like he might be a cop, but you really wanted a gram so you were like, “Fuck it” and went for it, can tell you, they can be a real pain in the ass to find.
Not that I know anything about that.
Luckily, we have this thing called the internet, which has made it super easy to find and purchase all the drugs you could ever possibly want anonymously, safely, and without having to ask yourself, “Eh, is that a cop mustache, or a I’m 45 and divorced mustache?”
As a heads up, your ISP (Internet Service Provider) won’t be able to see your history, but they will be able to see you’re using Tor. There’s nothing illegal about using Tor, but it’s still a small detail you should know. If it makes you that uncomfortable, you can also download a Tails, a primitive OS that’ll fit on a thumb drive, load outside of your regular OS, and basically self-destruct after every session.
There are a few alternatives to Tor out there right now, but Tor is by far the most widely used application, and I’m of the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” school of thought.
Before You Do Anything, Cover Your Ass Completely
Everybody says that scooping up drugs on the internet is easier and safer than meeting up with sketchy dealers under less-than-ideal circumstances, but I almost want to disagree. Not because I don’t trust the internet, but because I feel like unless someone specifically told me to do what I’m about to tell all of you to do, my dumb ass would have never even considered it.
That said, encrypt everything you can. You’re going to be dealing exclusively in Bitcoin or other cryptocurrency, and you’re going to be browsing anonymously, but don’t forget that you’re about to get shit mailed to your address from a part of the internet that belongs to the same people that hacked the DNC’s email servers. Use services like PGP (owned by these guys or GnuPGP in concert with anonymous email service providers like Sigaint (which, at the time of this message, is still mysteriously down), or well as Ruggedinbox, Torbox and BitMessage.
You should also learn how to encrypt text on your device, just to be extra-extra safe.
If all of this sounds daunting, it’s because it is, BECAUSE IT’S FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE TRYING TO ORDER ILLEGAL DRUGS LIKE PIZZA DELIVERY.
Invest in Bitcoin
As you can imagine, if you’re trying to buy illegal stuff, you don’t exactly want a paper trail leading back to you. That’s why people love Bitcoin, which is a digital currency that can be used completely anonymously. There are a couple different cryptocurrencies out right now, but Bitcoin is still the gold standard.
Of course, as with everything in this weird world of cryptocurrency and hard drugs, it’s not as simple as just walking up to your local bank teller and saying, “I’d like some Bitcoins, please!” You have to actually source an exchange, look at its various rates and fees, and decide where your money is best invested.
If you want a list of reputable exchanges, you can find them here.
After you purchase your Bitcoins, I’d heavily suggest getting them filtered through a tumbler so that even if something bad does happen and they’re somehow intercepted, nothing can be traced back to you. A tumbler basically takes your coins and then transfers them to a variety of other people, while other peoples’ coins (in the identical amount), are sent back, untraceably, to you.
Browse The DarkNet
Alright boys and girls…you’ve downloaded Tor, covered your asses in every way possible, converted some dollaz to Bitcoins (or fragments of a Bitcoin, really), and now you’re ready to go buy your good times on the DarkNet.
Only, of course, it’s not as simple as clicking a link and rocking and rolling. There are several different markets—and by several, I mean dozens—each with vendors that deal in different “wares.”
There was the infamous Silk Road, but that was shut down in 2013 and its founder, Ross William Ulbricht, is currently serving a life sentence on charges of money laundering, conspiracy to traffic narcotics, hacking, oh and trying to have six people killed.
Yeah, the DarkNet can actually get pretty fucked up because it’s not just a digital open-air drug market, but a legitimate digital black market, where the seediest people go to do the seediest shit—like buy and sell illegal guns, exchange illegal pornography and even arrange murders, apparently. I’m not trying to scare anyone, but you should all know where you’re going before you get there. Don’t forget that this place is called The DarkNet for a reason.
Anyway, finding the right market is important. Silk Road was shut down, Silk Road 2.0 was shut down, and apparently the next two contenders after that, Evolution and Agora, have both been compromised.
Choose your market carefully. If you need a reference list, the folks at /r/DarkNetMarkets (yes, that’s a thing) put together a super useful master list that changes daily and logs complaints from markets across the web. Far as I can tell, it’s the most legitimate resource out there for these kinds of things.
Finding a Vendor and Completing The Transaction
There are tons of vendors on the DarkNet, and they have the drugs you’re looking for. Once you find one you’re comfortable with (there are extensive ratings systems attached to their accounts), it’s as simple as exchanging payment and information, and waiting for your package.
The unfortunate part is that receiving your package could take anywhere from days to weeks, and sometimes (about 10 percent of the time) it doesn’t show up at all. These are some of the risks we assume when we decide to order drugs off the internet, though.
After you find your vendor, select your loot and pay the toll; it’s all about patience. Orders can take a few days to literal weeks to pass through customs and/or local postal services, so just be cool and wait it out. On the rare occasion something happens, vendors are usually pretty good about making sure you get your money’s worth.
Some Important Notes
That’s really all there is to it. While it may seem like less of a hassle than going out and dealing with an actual drug dealer, keep in mind that even this method can be dangerous.
Packages can be intercepted, money can be stolen and it definitely wouldn’t be the first time a market got turned out by the feds or a vendor snitched on (“doxxed”) their clientele.
I also want to take a moment to again remind everyone that this isn’t a how-to guide with the expectation that you’re going to go do drugs after you read this. It’s an interesting resource for anyone intrigued with the industry (as I was).
In any case, you shouldn’t be trying to do hard drugs anyway. If you have a problem, or even think you might have a problem, get help immediately. Like, right now.
The views and opinions expressed in this piece are those solely of the author, and do not necessarily reflect the position of Highsnobiety as a whole.