The Oscars are nearly upon us. We don't really care (House of Gucci floppedZendaya was only in Dune for, like, 2.5 seconds), but this year's ceremony is surely in for some particularly cringe-worthy moments.

Between the Academy's much-publicized spat with West Side Story star Rachel Zegler, its bizarre lineup of presenters, and Jane Campion's daring decision to make a public appearance after dissing Venus and Serena Williams, the evening is brimming with potential.

I invite you to whet your palette for Hollywood's prom night with our Secondhand Embarrassment Checklist: 2022 Oscars Edition. (Not much quite compares to 2017's "Hidden Fences" mix-up, though.)

Oh, and in case you missed it: here's who we're rooting for.

A performative tribute to Ukraine

We all know this is going to happen at some point in the night. Gal Gadot will sing a cappella for peace. Amy Schumer will make a sex joke about Volodymyr Zelensky. Someone will cry. None of it will actually help.

Straight man fist-bumped for wearing a skirt

Timothée Chalamet says his Thom Browne skirt makes him feel dope. He also thinks that, as a man, wearing nail polish is okay.

Lady Gaga clarifies: she is Italian

Marone!

No female winners :(

This just in: Chris Pratt wins Best Actress in a Leading Role.

Jane Campion to Beyoncé: "I'm better!"

The Power of the Dog director turns her attention to another accomplished Black woman: Beyoncé, the night's most anticipated performer.

"Bey, you're pretty good," she says with a toothy smile. "But I'm better!"

Flash mob starring Lin-Manuel Miranda and the cast of West Side Story

What feels like terrorism but isn't terrorism? Being sung and danced at by a crowd of theater adults.

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