Out in the real world news is happening and here are the highlights.

Gwyneth Paltrow suggests women put jade eggs in their vaginas

Ever since her uninspiring acting career petered out, Gwyneth Paltrow has largely devoted herself to peddling ridiculous tips for “wholesome” living to ridiculous upper-middle class people with too much time and money on their hands via her ridiculous lifestyle site, Goop. She recently attracted horrified gasps and shouts of “GOD NO!” from gynecologists after suggesting that women put jade eggs in their vaginas to “cleanse” their uteruses and “balance female hormone levels.” Unsurprisingly, these eggs were on sale on her site for $66 each, but gynecologists have rushed to call bullshit on her claims, which surprised nobody. – Washington Post

Alt-right leader, Richard Spencer, punched in head at Trump inauguration

America’s most prominent neo-Nazi and alt-right figurehead, Richard Spencer, got sucker punched in the head in Washington D.C. on Friday while being quizzed by reporters whether or not he was a Nazi. Spencer denied it (despite leading a chorus of “Hail victory! Hail Trump! Hail our people!” and straight-arm salutes at a post-election party in November,) while some anti-Trump protestor appeared out of nowhere and landed a perfect blow straight to the jaw, leaving him concussed and scared, according to later Tweets from Spencer himself.

Dejected progressives erupted into a howl of laughter, enjoying the one silver lining on the worst day in living memory, while right wingers accused them of hypocrisy for condoning violence when it’s directed at their opposition. This isn’t hypocrisy, though: it should be remembered that fascism was not defeated by reasoned, amicable debate. The battle was won through five long, bloody years of total war, and neo-fascists must never be given the opportunity to incite industrial-scale murder and mass oppression ever again – by any means necessary. While Spencer was nursing his wounds, over-joyed internet users were transforming him into a meme, milking the incident for every last drop of amusement. – CNN

Trump regime peddles “alternative facts”

The Donald’s inauguration was the target of mockery and contempt on Friday after images revealed how much smaller the ground that came to see his swearing-in was than the one that gathered in Washington in 2008 to welcome in Obama. A lot of this has to do with the fact that he lost the popular vote by 2.9 million and his approval ratings are at a record low, but that didn’t stop Trump’s press secretary from claiming that the photos were a false attempt to distort the enthusiasm of the American people for their new dear leader. When grilled on this, senior Trump advisor Kellyanne Conway claimed that these were “alternate facts,” which is really just a fancy new name for lies. – The Guardian

LA Lakers suffer worst defeat ever

The Lakers’ slide from one of the greatest NBA sides ever to one of the worst hit a new nadir after the Dallas Mavericks inflicted the LA side’s worst-ever defeat on them: a 49-point rout that finished 122-73. It was a mere single point more than their previous biggest-ever defeat, a 123-75 embarrassment in Utah last March. This sends the Lakers to the bottom of the Western Conference, which is precisely where they belong. – USA Today

Words by Aleks Eror
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