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If you have no idea what a “Thotiana” is, are you even listening to rap music in 2019? LA rapper Blueface’s “Thotiana” is on track to become a bona fide, certified hit. It’s got all the necessary ingredients – an insanely catchy beat and hook, an accompanying dance, and a rapper with a sufficient amount of charisma and energy for social media antics. It’s also an incredibly strong contender for Horniest Song Lyrics 2k19.

As “Thotiana” continues to climb the Billboard charts, rappers are taking a stab at their very own remixes and freestyles. Nicki Minaj came through earlier this month with the most made up words that rhyme with “Thotiana,” Cardi B switches from talking about being a “mommiana” to being a gangbanger with ease, Young M.A’s remix goes incredibly hard, and YG does his West Coast thing. Even Desiigner jumped in, as did Slim Thug, New Jersey’s SkinnyFromthe9 and Cuban Doll. But who do we think has the best remix?

If you’re ready-iana for this rank-iana, check out our ranking of all the “Thotiana” remixes and freestyles below.

10. SkinnyFromthe9

Admittedly, I had not heard of New Jersey rapper SkinnyFromthe9 until I started compiling the songs for this ranking. While I admire his effort, especially since this is a freestyle “off the dome,” I don’t find this remix particularly compelling. I will give him some credit for doing his thing without creating made up words that end in “iana,” which upon listening to the other remixes, seems to be the overall allure of remixing this track aside from the extremely catchy beat.

9. Cuban Doll

Cuban Doll, like SkinnyFromthe9, is also relatively new to the rap game. Girl’s got some bars (mostly raunchy), but the main issue I have here is that her timing is pretty consistently off, and not in a way that manages to work. If she got her timing and flow right, this remix could be higher up on the list.

8. Slim Thug

If you haven’t yet caught wind, “Thotiana” and its remix homages are strong contenders for horniest bars of 2019. Slim Thug’s take on Blueface’s song is no exception. His casual, car ride rendition recounts a sensual encounter with a female companion, in which he refers to himself as “Sugar Daddy Slim.” Bonus points for the latter half of the video where he goes on to call himself a psychic, scientist, inventor, and entrepreneur.

7. DDG

The Michigan YouTuber turned rapper throws himself in the ring and does alright. It’s all very acceptable, but it would have been nice to see some more creativity here, as 99% of the lyrics are thirsty af, and the rest is more or less just DDG plugging his upcoming tour.

6. Tyga

Tyga, I respect you for shooting your shot. The flow is pretty good, the bars are alright. You’ve got references to people far more interesting than you (A$AP Rocky, Amber Rose, etc) which is a weird flex, but ok. I truly just think you and Soulja Boy should set aside your beef and link up for a record where the sum of your combined rap skills would be just shy of that of a G.O.A.T. that you so humbly claim to be.

5. YG

As an LA rapper, it was only a matter of time before Blueface linked up with one of Compton’s finest. But as much as I love YG, these are not even close to being his best bars. They’re acceptable. They are at least in the vein of the song’s main goal (which is to encourage ladies, some of whom might identify as a “Thotiana,” to “bust down”), so I will not fault him for that. However, we have to wait until the track is nearly over for YG to do his thing, and “Redface” is the sole wordplay of note he brings to the remix.

5. Soulja Boy

A clapback at Tyga after he dropped his freestyle on Monday, February 25, Soulja Boy did a pretty good job considering this was whipped up rather quickly. The main criticism I have is his delivery lacks enthusiasm, but he makes up for it with his severe Tyga disses, references to his viral Breakfast Club interview, and even Kanye West’s “Through The Wire.”

4. Desiigner

Here we have Desiigner, shooting his shot. While listeners might fixate on yet another Kanye “diss,” which consists of calling him “crazy,” this remix is so much more than that. He raps about how he likes to “get the head through my pajamas.” He makes absolutely incredible sounds mimicking the sound of a human heart beat in the midst of a flow switch up. Yes, the lyrics are horny, but he’s giving us something more than thirst.

3. Cardi B

Since her debut singles, Cardi B’s strength has always lied in her unwavering lyrical delivery. With her first uttering of “Cardiana,” it seems certain we’re getting a consistent Cardi verse. Yes it’s incredibly raunchy, but there’s clever wordplay and attitude aplenty.

2. Young M.A

The world needs more lesbian rap. Again, we’ve got overwhelmingly horny lyrics, but at least we’ve got a slightly different perspective. While Young M.A nearly goes overboard on the ‘-iana’s, she renders this fact null and void with references to Dej Loaf tracks from the rapper’s breakout era a few years back, a legendary paparazzi duck by Lori Harvey, and a boycott of Gucci and Prada.

1. Nicki Minaj

Prior to listening, I didn’t think Nicki Minaj’s “Thotiana” remix would necessarily go hard, but “Barbiana” is the one. Referencing everything and everyone from professional boxer Manny Pacquiao to the Met Gala (Galiana), these are solidly classic, Nicki bars. While some might argue she’s been holding her career hostage, it’s hard to deny how effective she is here.

Associate Music Editor

Waiting for Sky Ferreira's new album...

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