Out in the real world news is happening and here are the highlights.

Madonna offers blowjobs to Clinton supporters at Amy Schumer gig

Madonna, who was pretty much the Miley Cyrus of the ’80s for those of you too young to remember, opened Amy Schumer’s recent standup gig at Madison Square Garden with a promise to suck off anyone that votes for Hillary Clinton. She wasn’t even subtle about it, with her exact words being “if you vote for Hillary Clinton, I will give you a blow job — and I am good.” – NY Daily News

Samsung bans Galaxy Note 7 parodies

Samsung has been in the headlines recently over its exploding Galaxy Note 7 smartphones, a problematic bug that has led to multi-billion dollar losses for the Korean tech giant. Some people on the internet think this is all very funny, as a GTA V online mod has appeared that transforms sticky bombs into exploding Samsung handsets. The bigwigs at the company aren’t taking it very well, and have invoked copyright claims against the many videos on YouTube that show off the mod. Stupidly, this will attract even more bad press than simply leaving these online jokers to have their fun, but corporate executives don’t really live in the real world, do they? – BBC News

Skunklock: a bike lock that makes thieves vomit

Some genius has developed a bike lock that emits a foul stench when bike thieves try to cut it, a stench so powerful that it can make them vomit. Named the “SkunkLock,” it was developed in San Francisco (of course it was) via a crowd-funding campaign. The U-shaped lock of carbon and steel has a hollow chamber that holds three pressurized gases of their own concoction, including one called “formula D_1.” When someone cuts about 30% of the way into the lock the gas erupts in the direction of the gash, spraying them with an unbearably disgusting smell that has similar effects to pepper spray. – The Guardian

Azealia Banks calls Russell Crowe racist after hotel beef

Bat shit crazy rapper, Azealia Banks, and Australian actor, Russell Crowe, made headlines last weekend after a reported disturbance at the Beverley Hills Hotel. Azealia called Russ a “racist, misogynist pig” after apparently choking, spitting at and racially abusing her. An unnamed source called bullshit on Banks’ claims, saying that it was she that was actually at fault and all of her accusations are mere fabrications, which, to be fair, would be pretty true to form for her. – Sydney Morning Herald

Bears slip to 1-6 after loss to Packers

The Chicago Bears’ miserable season continues with a 26-10 loss to the Green Bay Packers. This was the Bears’ sixth defeat out of seven games, coming courtesy of three successful touchdowns by Packers quarter back Aaron Rodgers. To add insult to injury (literally), the Bears’ quarterback, Brian Hoyer, left the game with a broken arm. Not a great day in the office, all in all. – Chicago Tribune

Catch up on yesterday’s IRL headlines.

Words by Aleks Eror
Contributor
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