If you're tired of reading hot takes on Will Smith, Chris Rock, and The Slap Heard 'Round the World — welcome!
This is a sl*p-free zone, a safe space in which the unprecedented celebrity showdown is simply a blip in time, unworthy of thinkpieces and self-congratulatory discourse on "comedians' rights" and troubled childhoods.
While you were busy scrolling through online opinion regarding toxic masculinity and whether or not The Sl*p "could have killed him," you may have missed some pretty cool things that went down at the 2022 Oscars — for example, Jamie Lee Curtis brought a dog onstage.
Let's get to it: everything you missed at the 2022 Oscars while reading about you-know-what and you-know-who.
Blue Ivy Carter performing with Beyoncé
What's a normal mother-daughter bonding activity for Beyoncé and Blue Ivy? Performing at the Oscars together!
The 10-year-old made a cameo appearance at the end of Bey's "Be Alive" rendition — peep the tween, clad in a silver necklace and sunglasses, perched in front of mom at the five-minute mark.
Bill Murray being Bill Murray
In a crowd full of "Pick Mes," Bill Murray maintained his lovable brand of low-key cool. In fact, he was so low-key that I nearly missed a crucial detail of his outfit: a tiny lollipop shaped like the Oscars statue.
Later on at Vanity Fair's Oscars after party, the actor ran past the red — or rather, blue — carpet to avoid unnecessary human interaction.
Nicole Kidman emoting
That viral photo of a Nicole Kidman in the throes of emotional processing is not a shot of the Australian actor reacting to The Sl*p. Nay, it's a candid shot of her laying eyes on Jessica Chastain from across the room.
Jamie Lee Curtis and a cute dog
Jamie Lee Curtis added some levity to the ceremony's "In Memoriam" segment by bringing John Travolta's new rescue dog, Mac & Cheese, on-stage. The furry addition was part of Curtis' tribute to Betty White, an outspoken supporter of animal welfare.
Megan Thee Stallion's one-woman flash mob
Lin-Manuel Miranda skipped this year's Oscars, seemingly dashing all hope for a dazzling display of theater kid behavior. But as they say in the biz: the show must go on!
Instead, Megan Thee Stallion made a surprise appearance during the performance of Encanto's "We Don't Talk About Bruno." Stealing the show, Meg dropped in on the audience with a verse name-dropping Zendaya and Versace.
The night's shenanigans seem to have overshadowed some important firsts for the Oscars: Troy Kotsur of CODA became the first deaf man to win Best Supporting Actor, and Ariana DeBose made history as the first openly queer woman of color to win Best Supporting Actress.