For once, Chris Pratt was right about something: his Mario voice is "unlike anything you've heard in the Mario world before."
On October 6, the debut teaser trailer for The Super Mario Bros. trailer hit the internet, providing fans with first looks (and listens) at Chris Pratt's Mario. And let's just say: it's as bad as we feared and the internet agrees.
"Mushroom Kingdom, here we come!" Pratt's Mario said as he skipped over a field of mushrooms with one of the local Toads.
In just five words, Mario sounded just like, well, Pratt. Literally, the Italian video game character carried the Minnesota actor's everyday speaking voice with mayyyybe a slight Brooklyn undertone (if we're being generous).
I get that the film's team and Pratt dodged a cancel culture bullet by leaning away from what could've been a problematic and even cringier faux Italian accent.
But, come on. Pratt's Mario sounds like Linda Belcher from Bob's Burgers — ironically, a character played by an actual Brooklyn-born actor.
Honestly, the Mario teaser reminds me of a jollier take on the dour "It's-a-me, Mario" Pratt offered on Instagram when his role was announced back in September 2021.
During the same video, he clarified the he was "working really hard" on the Mario voice.
I wonder where exactly all that hard work went.
The Super Mario Bros. film also revealed Jack Black's Bowser, whose growly voice performance felt way more in line with Mario's arch nemesis.
Perhaps, Black's Bowser and the film's impressive animation will be the light at the end of the tunnel that overshadows Pratt's Mario flop.
The Super Mario Bros. movie hits American theaters on April 7, 2023, which means there's plenty of time to mentally prepare for more of the Mario voice that co-producer Chris Meledandri previously described as "phenomenal" and "updated."
Who knows, maybe Pratt will actually make our Oscar predictions come true.