Out in the real world news is happening and here are the highlights.

Fetty Wap Tries to Stop Sex Tape Leak

One-eyed rapper, Fetty Wap, has sent his ex-girlfriend, Alexis Skyy, a cease-and-desist letter telling her to stop the distribution or attempted distribution of a sex tape that the pair made, otherwise he’ll sue her ass. It’s quite unusual for a rapper, a profession that seldom talks about anything other than than “bitchez n hoez,” to be so prudish. Furthermore, once something is on the Internet, it’s out there forever, so Wap’s threats of litigation are pretty pointless. It’s not in Skyy’s hands anymore, and whoever has the tape is free to disseminate it further, and trying to stop that is like playing whack-a-mole. Not only that, but this will only attract more attention to the tape. Just let it go, Fetty. – TMZ

Trump allegedly had direct contact with Russia

Republican senator and former presidential candidate, John McCain, allegedly passed on a secret dossier to meddling FBI director, James Comey, allegedly containing damning evidence of Donald Trump’s direct ties to Russia. The documents, which Buzzfeed has admitted are “unverified and potentially unverifiable,” although they come from a consistently reliable source, claim that the Kremlin has been directly involved in pushing Trump for the past five years as a means of fostering political division in the West, and that he and his team have regularly been fed intelligence regarding his Democratic opponents and political rivals. If true, it’s a damning indictment on the decrepit state of American democracy. – Buzzfeed

Fox News settled Bill O’Reilly’s sexual harassment suit

It has emerged that hillbilly news network, Fox News, reached an out-of-court settlement with former on-air personality, Juliet Huddy, to sweep sexual assault allegations against their biggest star, Bill O’Reilly, under the carpet. This comes just months after Roger Ailes, the network’s founder, was forced to resign after multiple female Fox employees came forward to accuse him of sexual harassment. Ironic that Fox News, the primary bastion of the moralizing American right, always so keen to shriek orders at gay people, liberals and every other non-puritan as to how they should live their lives, all while excreting hollow platitudes about freedom, seem to be full of sexual predators. Hardly a surprise, considering that the Catholic church has been long-riddled with paedophiles. This is why we should always be wary of right-wingers. – CNN

Snow monkey attempts to have sex with deer

In a rare example of attempted inter-species breeding, a snow monkey on Japan’s Yakushima island tried to have sex with a deer. This is only the second officially recorded instance of such strange behavior, and while it would be easy to assume that the monkey in question is a kinky freak, scientists believe that it was driven to such extreme measures because it couldn’t find a mate of its own species. A bit like sexless people, then. – The Guardian

Golden State beat Miami Heat

The Golden State Warriors further extended their seemingly unassailable lead at the top of the Western Conference with a 107-95 victory over the lowly Miami Heat. The Heat’s Hassan Whiteside put in a stellar performance, helping himself to 28 points and 20 rebounds, but the ever-reliable Stephen Curry netted 30 points to sneak his team to victory. The post-LeBron and Wade Heat remain second-from-bottom in the Eastern Conference, with only 11 wins on the board this season. – Miami Herald

Catch up on yesterday’s IRL headlines.

Words by Aleks Eror
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