So, you got nominated for an Oscar but lost to some guy who slapped the presenter. Bummer. Well, the good news is you aren't going home to your million-dollar mansion in the Hollywood Hills empty-handed.
You'll be taking home an "Everyone Wins" swag bag courtesy of Los Angeles-based marketing agency Distinctive Assets, with an estimated value of about $100k.
Inside, find bougie goodies that range from free facials from Dr. Konstantin Vasyukevich in New York to an all-inclusive stay at Turin Castle in Scotland, with loads of luxe bath bombs, sweets, anti-aging serums, candles, antioxidants and more.
It's the usual mélange of PR crud no one really asks for but amped up to 11, with some unusually opulent gifts served up to already-rich Oscar-nominated folks like Kristin Stewart, Andrew Garfield, Denzel Washington, Steven Spielberg, and Will Smith.
"We are not only celebrating these incredible nominees but also a return to normalcy in a post-pandemic world," said Distinctive Assets' Lash Fary in a statement.
Presumably, normalcy includes insane freebies doled out to wealthy folks who could afford this stuff on their own.
It's obviously all part of some marketing ploy wherein these brands give stuff to Distinctive Assets, which then forks them over to the Oscar nominees but it's still ridiculous. Eat the rich, amirite?
Consider the swag bag's coupon for free "body enhancements," courtesy of Tampa-based plastic surgeons at Art Lipo, "project management" from Maison Contractors, and courtesy trip to Golden Door luxury spa (cost for a weeklong stay: about $10k).
Or, how about the plot of Scottish land that's given away to each goodie bag recipient?
Yep, Highland Titles, a company no stranger to controversy, included an offer for free real estate in the name of each nominee, conferring an honorary "lord" or "lady" title upon the participant.
It's a divisive conservation ploy, really, which has local Scots outraged once again.
Which, really, is only natural for folks to be feeling in response to the insane benefits too often bequeathed to the rich and famous.
