Do Cheeto fingers delight you? Do you wish their sweaty, salty stench would remain, even after you've licked off all that fiery, faux-cheese dust?
If you answered yes to any of the above, I've got a cursed food collaboration that will satisfy the most enthusiastic processed dairy consumers, and repulse everyone else: Velveeta teamed up with Nails.INC to create cheese-scented nail polish.
According to a press release, the partnership "furthers [Velveeta's] latest creative platform, 'La Dolce Velveeta,' which is all about stepping out in a confident, unapologetic way to show the world that you’re living a life filled with outrageous pleasure."
Apparently, the cheesy polish is specifically created for "pleasure seekers who love to flaunt and live their best lives."
I'm not totally convinced that cheese hands epitomize the height of hedonism, but I'm lactose intolerant, so the thought of any appendage smelling like dairy makes my GI tract quiver. (I'd also like to add — Nails.INC makes some lovely, normal-smelling polishes.)
Food-makeup crossovers aren't always repugnant. Remember e.l.f. x Chipotle, a mercifully unscented eyeshadow palette with shades of guacamole green and pinto bean brown? How about Skittles x Lip Smacker, the first product that led me — and thousands of other Millennials — to discover that you can eat lip balm, as a treat?
I won't be polishing my pinkies with cheese smell anytime soon but if you're keen on the collab, more power to you. One question: what wine do your fingers pair best with?