In an alarming display of Small Man Syndrome, Jeff Bezos and his minions will block Amazon employees from using over 40 words related to labor unions and general discontent in an internal messaging app.

According to internal documents obtained by The Intercept, the idea to flag and automatically block messages containing forbidden keywords — including "union," "pay raise," and "this is concerning" — was floated in November 2021, following a high-level meeting regarding an internal social media platform for Amazon employees.

The move to monitor employee language is so extreme that it strikes as a parody of  Amazon's well-known tradition of union-busting. Alas, this is Bezos' world we're living in — and in the wake of Christian Smalls' successful unionization effort at an Amazon warehouse in Staten Island, the billionaire is likely extra eager to push out his "bad word monitor."

A pilot program of the word censoring program is reportedly launching later this month. Here, we're highlighting the most outrageous words and phrases Amazon has deemed unacceptable.

Restrooms

Remember when Amazon denied that its employees are so overworked they pee in bottles to avoid taking bathroom breaks? ("You don't really believe the peeing in bottles thing, do you?" the company famously tweeted.)

Blocking the word "restrooms" is basically full-on admission that — as ample employee testimony illustrated — Amazon does, indeed, subject workers to inhumane working conditions.

I hate

Jeff Bezos doesn't want to know what you think about his silly little Blue Origin jumpsuit.

Diversity

Amazon purports to value diversity, equity, and inclusion. Banning employees from using the words "diversity," "fairness," and "accessibility" seems counter-intuitive, no?

This is kind of like the Regina George "so you agree" meme — by censoring the very buzzwords it alleges to support, Amazon has outed itself for not actually caring about said buzzwords.

This is dumb

As someone who uses this phrase regularly, I can tell you I've never typed "this is dumb" in relation to Amazon or anything Bezos-related. "Draconian," "dystopian," and "small penis," yes, but not "this is dumb."

Favoritism

Amazon will not tolerate any discussion of Ella Emhoff, Kendall Jenner, or Bella Hadid!

Slave labor

You know what Amazon employees won't be able to characterize using the red-flagged phrase, "This is concerning?" The fact that Amazon executives even suspect their practices could be compared to slave labor. (Also banned are "plantation," "slave," "master," and "freedom.")

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