Ah, the flip-flop. A fashion joke so twisted that even its name is ridiculous. Seriously, is there any clothing item that’s more fundamentally upsetting than the flip-flop? They’re even worse than shorts. OK, so maybe shorts are fine when done correctly, but when it comes to this pathetic excuse for footwear, I’m drawing a line in the sand (you can find that line on a beach, the only locale at which flip-flops are even remotely acceptable).

But before you start gearing up to go HAM in the comments section, let me clarify that this applies to everyone: men, women, gender nonconformists and children (hey, it’s never too early to learn the basics). Flip-flops are a hard "no" across the board.

But what about other sandals? I’m so glad you asked, because unless you're traveling to or from a body of water (yes, pools count), sandals in general are an absolute no-go. Foot fetishists aside, no one wants to see your feet. “But that’s so unfair,” you say. “Women have countless acceptable sandal options.” Start getting bi-weekly pedicures and maybe we can talk. But really, would you want to trade footwear options with women? Naw, dude, I didn’t think so.

But what about slides? Nope, sorry. Regardless of how luxurious, rare or cool-looking your Givenchy/Supreme/Gucci slides are, they still expose your toes. So unless you’re the sort of wanton rule-breaker that can pull off socks with sandals, please, for the love of God, save it for the beach.

Anyway, wearing sandals in the city is disgusting. Every time I see someone flip-flopping around the sidewalks of New York (or worse, the subway) I think about all of the dog excrement, human piss and garbage particles their feet are picking up. What if they later get into their beds without first taking a shower? Gross.

While I concede that certain climates absolutely require that men wear shorts, I don’t believe there is a heat so intense that it demands for feet to be liberated. There are plenty of lightweight shoes to get you through the summer. Canvas sneakers are the most obvious choice (Converse, Vans, etc.), but they aren’t the only choice.

For one, perforation is your friend. Take, for example, this slip-on from Our Legacy:

Our Legacy Hermit Slip-On

$297

Allike

Buy at Allike

Don’t feel like wearing socks? That’s chill. How about a dope low-top loafer? Added bonus is that these can be worn formally (I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that sandals are never ever appropriate formalwear). Naturally Gucci is going to make the dopest options, but here’s a pair from Bitton that won’t break the bank.

Bitton

$220

Grand Voyage

Buy at Grand Voyage

Speaking of Gucci, their backless loafers are about as close as you’ll get to sandals without looking like an unsanitary dweeb. In fact, the so-called “leather slipper” might be the ultimate summer shoe hack.

Horsebit Leather Sandals

$521

Gucci

Buy at Mr Porter

So keep those piggies covered my friends! But also stay cool. You know you love me. XOXO.

Now find out why this year's Pitti Uomo proves that men's fashion is more confused than ever

What To Read Next

  • Image on Highsnobiety

    EXCLUSIVE: Merry Kithmas to One and All!

    Style
  • Image on Highsnobiety

    Meet the OUR LEGACYs!

    Culture
  • Image on Highsnobiety

    AMI X PUMA Is Outdoorswear with a Side of Parisian Chic

    Style
  • new balance 2002RX

    This General-Release New Balance 2002RX Is Better Than Most Collabs

    Sneakers
  • Image on Highsnobiety

    Here's What Your Holiday Wishlist Says About You

    Style
  • Image on Highsnobiety

    What’s Next for the Outdoors and Fashion? Experts Weigh In

    Culture
*If you submitted your e-mail address and placed an order, we may use your e-mail address to inform you regularly about similar products without prior explicit consent. You can object to the use of your e-mail address for this purpose at any time without incurring any costs other than the transmission costs according to the basic tariffs. Each newsletter contains an unsubscribe link. Alternatively, you can object to receiving the newsletter at any time by sending an e-mail to info@highsnobiety.com

Web Accessibility Statement

Titelmedia (Highsnobiety), is committed to facilitating and improving the accessibility and usability of its Website, www.highsnobiety.com. Titelmedia strives to ensure that its Website services and content are accessible to persons with disabilities including users of screen reader technology. To accomplish this, Titelmedia has engaged UsableNet Inc, a leading web accessibility consultant to help test, remediate and maintain our Website in-line with the Web Content Accessibility Guidelines (WCAG), which also bring the Website into conformance with the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990.

Disclaimer

Please be aware that our efforts to maintain accessibility and usability are ongoing. While we strive to make the Website as accessible as possible some issues can be encountered by different assistive technology as the range of assistive technology is wide and varied.

Contact Us

If, at any time, you have specific questions or concerns about the accessibility of any particular webpage on this Website, please contact us at accessibility@highsnobiety.com, +49 (0)30 235 908 500. If you do encounter an accessibility issue, please be sure to specify the web page and nature of the issue in your email and/or phone call, and we will make all reasonable efforts to make that page or the information contained therein accessible for you.