Out in the real world news is happening and here are the highlights.

Drake rumored to be dating Taylor Swift

Drake’s approach to dating can probably be best described as a celebrity-based version of Pokémon Go, or, alternatively, a marathon masturbation session along the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Following relationships with Serena Williams and Rihanna, Drizzy is now rumored to be dating Taylor Swift, and you have to admit they really are a perfect match: both of them largely make music about failed relationships, heartbreak and emotional hurt. Their relationship is basically the buildup to a duet album. – The Inquisitr

‘The Fappening’ hacker sentenced to prison

Remember The Fappening? In case you don’t, here’s a reminder: way back in 2014, a hacker that had hacked into dozens of celebrities’ various online accounts leaked hundreds of nude photos belonging to famous names like Jennifer Lawrence, Avril Lavigne and Kate Upton. Well, 36-year-old Pennsylvanian, Ryan Collins, has been sentenced to 18 months in prison after pleading guilty to the crime. Not a bad result (for him) considering that he faced up to five years had he tried to fight it. – Gizmodo

Bundy bros & Oregon wildlife refuge occupiers acquitted

Last winter, a bunch of rightwing gun nuts led by Ammon Bundy (son of rightwing gun nut rancher Cliven Bundy) occupied an Oregon wildlife refuge as some sort of idiotic libertarian protest against government overreach. One occupier was shot and killed in a standoff with police, while another seven were arrested. Well, those that were arrested were acquitted yesterday because, apparently, a jury believed their frankly bullshit claims that they were merely, “protesting government overreach and posed no threat to the public.” – New York Times

Pornhub offers to buy Vine: “six seconds is more than enough”

Pornhub is not your average tube site. While others are content with simply offering up material to spank to, Pornhub does that (and better than most others, might I add) in addition to making people laugh at their outrageous publicity stunts. Their latest gag involves an offer to buy video app, Vine, which is going to be discontinued because it serves no tangible purpose to anyone and makes no money. Well, Pornhub want to buy its creators out because apparently “six seconds is more than enough” (to masturbate to, geddit?). Speak for yourselves, Pornhub! – CNET

Teen hits cop car while taking topless selfie

Over in Texas, a 19-year-old teen was arrested after crashing into a cop car. Was she high? Swerved off the road by a deer? No, she was sending her boyfriend a topless Snapchat, and had an open bottle of wine sitting in the cup holder of her car. Although it would be tempting to blame the booze, I personally blame the teen for being an utter idiot. I get drunk all the time and never has alcohol gotten me into this sort of situation. – The Guardian

LA Clippers beat Portland Trail Blazers in NBA opener

The NBA is back, guys, and the LA Clippers opened their season with a victory against the Portland Trail Blazers in Oregon. The high-octane game finished 114-106, with both Chris Paul and Blake Griffin helping themselves to 27 points each. It was the Trail Blazers’ second game of the season, which brings their record to 1-1. – Bleacher Report

Catch up on yesterday’s IRL headlines.

Words by Aleks Eror
Contributor
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